Tonight I need you to stay
by Nisssha
Summary: The humanity were never as close to defeating the Titans as now, with Eren Yeager, and the key he wears on his neck is possibly holding all the answers. But always when humans are involved there is possibility of human error, as we are unreliable creatures, with feelings, hopes, and past. Oh, the past always gets to us. Also multichapter character study, Ereri, cross-posted on ao3.
1. Chapter 1

Chamomile with hint of trust

When he closed his eyes he still could see their dead faces. Petra against the tree, her back bent in an unnatural arch, blood dripping from her open mouth. No matter how hard he wanted to forget, he just couldn't. And maybe somewhere deep inside he thought he shouldn't. After all it was his fault. If only did he make different decision all of them could have lived. He could just turn into a titan and fight and save all of them. And maybe many more who died only to protect him, just like his mother did three years ago. He felt sick in his stomach only thinking about all of the people who sacrificed their lives to protect his. Vivid, bloody images of fellow soldiers being crushed and eaten haunted him both in his dreams and while he was awake. He almost wished he never learnt about his so called special talent. The ability which made him "humanity's last hope" made him only want to puke and crawl under the nearest rock and die. It was quite ironic, wasn't it? He wanted to kill all the titans, massacre them and wipe them from existence. And with ability to turn into a titan he really made it possible to happen. So why wasn't he happy? Everyone around was telling him he was so precious and needed to be protected, that he was more valuable than thousands of soldiers and it was fine while they died for his sake.

None of this made it fine for Eren.

He wasn't more precious, he wasn't any better, he was weak and while he wanted to fight and avenge his mother, he wasn't ready to hold the responsibility for the whole humanity's future, for all the deaths of his comrades, for the pain of the families. For Sina's sake, how could anyone? He might not have been a kid anymore, but he was young. Why it must have been him?

He just felt nausea in his stomach, lying on the cart while the column was entering the town. They were supposed to come back after their first victory, should have been met with cheers, he should have proved that he was valuable, that he was not a monster.

He felt a bit like one. Like he have personally killed all of them. Petra, Oluo, Eld and Gunther, all died because of him. Because he made wrong decision, and because someone decided that he was more important. And because someone made him a monster. Turning into a titan felt foreign, wrong, made him hate himself and tear something inside him apart just to make it stop. He hoped that a person who made him this way was already dead. Any other way he might just kill them.

The crowd was dead silent while they were marching through the gate and main street. He felt Mikasa's hand on his while he pretended to still be unconcious. He wasn't ready for her compassion and worry. He didn't deserve it.

The energetic voice of a man calling Levi's name caught his attention. The mention of Petra's name made his heart stop and his stomach clench painfully, another wave of nausea approaching fast. He understood why Levi stayed silent, he wouldn't be able to utter any words also.

The thought of the captain was confusing. Maybe it was still the blood loss, but he felt sad, angry and sick at the same time. He told him to make his own choice. He couldn't blame him for what happened. Could he? Levi was a veteran, he was on the battlefield more times than most of the soldiers could ever imagine. He was their captain, for Sina's sake. He was supposed to tell Eren what to do. To take responsibility for what was going to happen. But he failed. He told Eren he should make his own decision, that no one could predict their consequences. And it caused nothing but death, and now he could only blame himself. He left him all alone with this choice, while he could have helped him, could have just let him did what he wanted to do while they were being chased by the Female Titan. Petra asked him to trust them, and after all that happened between him and Special Operation Squad he had chosen to do so. And he thought he did what Levi wanted him to, but no matter what, it was still Eren's choice.

Would all of them survive if he turned into a titan? Eren couldn't stop himself from thinking, that they would. That he was to blame for their deaths.

But Levi couldn't utter a word to Petra's father. Was he mad? Sad? Indifferent? Eren really doubted the last one. After spending long time with Survey Corps he had seen Captain Levi in new light, not just as a humanity's strongest soldier, but also as a human.

As far as first impression goes, Eren had almost none. Of course he knew who Captain Levi was, how could he not, as he adored the Survey Corps since he was a kid. He thought about them so much he worked out a god-like impression of them in his mind. No one should be able to live up to that expectation, but Captain Levi appearing in the middle of Battle for Trost to save them did exactly that. Eren couldn't remember much of the conversation in the basement, with all the adrenaline rush in his blood and fear for him and his friends along with exhaustion. But the courtroom memories were crystal clear for him.

The blank look on captain Levi's face while he was beating the living shit out of him scared him as nothing else did in his life. In a way it was less scary than seeing his mother eaten by a titan, but titans were not human. Captain Levi _was_ human, but he did not look, did not _feel_ human to him at that very moment. Right then, he felt _dehumanized_. He truly was a monster, wasn't he? If someone was able to kick him in the face keeping such an emotionless expression... That was probably how captain Levi saw him - just as another titan, maybe a useful one, but nothing else than that.

The announcement of the sentence brought an end to all of it. Later that day commander Erwin offered him an apology and explanation, all of it completely reasonable, and Eren understood. Humanity couldn't afford to lose him, and that was a way of protecting him, or maybe more protecting the monster that was in him, the monster _he was_. The titan he was made him completely unimportant and the most important person altogether. Eren felt lost.

Captain Levi only asked if he did hate him, and honestly how could he? Everyone would do the same, hell, he probably would do the same to someone else in his position. But he flinched nevertheless as Levi sat down next to him, not enough to move away, but the involuntarily reaction made him twitch. The beating hurt, both physically and mentally. And Eren decided he should not feel hurt. This - this ability he possessed made him useful, valuable, maybe made it possible to fight back, to actually win against titans. He was the most useful weapon humanity ever had, hell, he was _their last hope_ , he could not allow his feelings get in the way of doing his job. A tool should not be distracted by some boot in his face. He lived, everything was fine.

The question came sort of unexpected. Eren wasn't holding a grudge toward captain even for a second, as he understood the reasons, but the fact that he cared if Eren was mad at him was astonishing. Or maybe he just needed him to be able to work with him. He wasn't exactly sure, but he admired him even more after that moment.

Captain Levi was extraordinary soldier, of that Eren was sure not only since he met him, but even before he did. But he never expected him to be... like this. The first night they have arrived at the headquarters the night was soon approaching and captain Levi was escorting him to the dungeon silently. Eren watched his back as he marched in front of him, his spine straight and head high. He never looked short to him, even if he was in fact higher. Captain just carried himself in a way that intimidated the boy. As they reached his cell the man didn't immediately close the door, but let Eren in and then lingered in the threshold. The room was small and furnished only with a narrow bed and a chest of drawers. It didn't took Eren long to turn around to face captain again, whose face was as expressionless as always.

'I assume everything is up to your liking?' Levi asked, though it didn't really sound like a question. The low light of few candles wasn't enough to properly see his face. Eren wondered briefly why he was even still there.

'Of course, sir' he straightened involuntarily. Captain nodded slightly, looking around the room.

'A bit dusty, isn't it?' he sighed. Not waiting for the response, he added 'Good night, Jäger.'

'Thank you, sir. Good night, sir.'

With another nod captain left the cell, closing it with the key. Without next look at him he disappeared behind the corner.

The next day was spent only on cleaning. Captain Levi not only appeared to care about cleanliness more than Eren's mother ever cared to bother, but also he didn't mind doing the work himself. He wasn't only directing, but also working alongside rest of them. The level of attention he paid to the details was not only astounding but also a huge pain in the ass. After redoing the unsatisfactory cleaned floor for the third time Levi finally let him go, but later that day he saw captain cleaning it again himself.

He didn't feel good with realization that Levi let him go without making him clean the rooms again. If he didn't do the job well enough, he should be able to repeat it until he learnt how to do it up to captain's standards.

Next day he worked his ass off hard enough to earn suspicious glances from the rest of squad Levi's members and amused half smile from captain himself. He wasn't asked for a redo once and felt ridiculously proud at doing decent work at _cleaning_ but it was a good feeling, and these didn't come easy that time.

That evening after closing his cell's door captain lingered for a moment, only looking at him silently. Just before Eren worked up enough courage to ask if he wanted something captain spoon on his heel and left.

'Would you care for a cup of tea before I lock you downstairs?'

The question, even though asked in casual tone, had a wrong ring to Eren's ears. He spent over a week inside the headquarters castle and felt like he was starting to understand at very least captains moods. When it came to what he was thinking he was still completely at loss. Everything seemed fine with the question, captain looked as irritated as always, but he looked a bit strained. Almost the same as the first night when he was leading him into the dungeon.

Eren put down the last plate he was washing and responded with simple 'Yes, sir'. Captain Levi didn't looked like he expected more elaborate answer and just headed out the room, clearly expecting Eren to follow him, what he obviously did, as always. The tension in Levi's form did not seem to lessen at all as he led Eren to his private quarters.

'Take a seat, Jäger' Levi commanded in quiet voice. The room wasn't very elaborate, a simple bed, wardrobe, a fireplace and a desk with two chairs on both sides of it. Eren sat on one of them, while Levi put a small kettle on a crate over the fire. The room was dead silent and it was starting to make Eren nervous, his palms getting sweaty. Captain didn't cast a single glance toward him, watching the fire.

Thankfully it didn't take long for water to boil and soon Levi set a hot cup in front of him and took a place across the desk. He sat with his legs crossed, still wearing the straps of his three dimensional maneuver gear, not uttering a word. He took a sip of his tea, and Eren tried to do the same but it was way too hot for him to drink it comfortably. It smelled like chamomile and something else and it was soothing and comforting and it took off an edge somehow.

'Why did you invite me here, captain?' Eren brought himself to ask.

Levi stayed silent at first, looking into his cup like he was debating the question. Then he shrugged with one shoulder 'I just thought you might be lonely down at the dungeons'. A simple explanation.

'Thank you, sir.' Eren answered and for a second he wanted to add _I kind of was_ , but he stopped himself.

'Do you trust me, Jäger?' Levi asked after a long moment of silence. It seemed the conversations weren't what they were best at.

"I do, sir.' There were no uncertainty in his voice as he answered instantly. He really did.

'Why?' Captain still wasn't looking at him, instead choosing to stare through the window into the dark night, his brows slightly furrowed as usual.

'I-I am not entirely sure, sir' Eren stuttered a little on his words, instantly thinking it was not a correct answer. He abruptly started explaining himself: 'I mean you are the strongest soldier, sir, and also you are right hand of commander Erwin, and you lived through more expeditions most of soldiers did.' He paused for a deep breath. 'And you also already saved my life once.'

'I beat the living shit out of you' he pointed out quietly. 'I am not exactly sure this can count as a reason for trust.'

'Yes, sir, but I understand why. And you already apologized for that, sir, I hold no grudge.' He paused. ' Quite the opposite, sir, actually I am grateful.'

'You are bizarre kid, Jäger. But I never actually apologized, did I?' he rubbed back of his neck in a gesture which seemed nervous. 'I am really sorry that I had to do that. I guess - I guess you already assumed I didn't enjoy doing that in the slightest.' He looked briefly at Eren, who vigorously nodded at that. 'I need you to trust me through this, kid. I have no shittiest idea why you choose to trust me, even knowing I am the person who will kill you - and Jäger trust me in this too, I will if situation make me do it - but it will be so much easier if you do.' He glanced at Eren again, looking like he was about to add something, but then he just looked back through the window and toyed with the empty cup he was still holding.

He looked a little bit less tense then before. Eren picked up his cup, the tea in it was now at drinkable temperature. He took a little sip, the taste of chamomile familiar and soothing on his tongue, but also grazed with something more defined and a bit spicy, which he could not recognize.

'Chamomile, sir? My mother used to make it when someone was upset.'

'Yes, it is chamomile. What else?' Eren wondered if captain didn't comment on calming application of the herb on purpose or just found it uninteresting, but given his rigid posture just a moment ago, he was betting the first. He took another sip, trying to put his finger on the other taste.

'Lemon balm, sir?' He guessed, but nothing better was coming to his mind, even though he was almost sure he was wrong. Taste was familiar, but in this blend it was weak, almost completely dominated by the chamomile, despite it bland taste.

'Close.' No answer came after that. 'I think you should be going to sleep now. Hanji planned your first titan training for tomorrow.' With that, he took the empty cup from his hand.

Terrified, lost and betrayed was how Eren felt, tied to the arm of the titan. It made absolutely no sense that he transformed then, instead of when he furiously bit on his palm, _trying_ to change. All of his comrades drew his swords at him instantly, only Levi stopping them from attacking, looking both cautious and worried. Eren felt sharp sting of guilt at his expression.

Later that night squad Levi demonstrated their trust and asked for the same in return, and it's been the first thing that actually felt good in a long time. He couldn't help but felt immensely relieved that they didn't actually hate him, that they only had to stay cautious of the monster he is. Not him. It is a relief, even if painfully confusing one.

After everyone left he stayed sitting at the table. Captain also looked like he had no plans to move. Eren didn't know if he was supposed to leave, or initiate the conversation, or something else entirely, so he just went with the first thing he knew about captain.

'Would you care for a cup of tea, sir?' he asked.

Levi gave him quizzical look before nodding once. 'Peppermint, Jäger.'

After he returned with two cups of tea he found Levi without his jacket, which was draped over the back of his seat, with one leg curled on the chair, chin propped on his knee. He looked oddly vulnerable to Eren, and he felt strange even thinking such thing about humanity's strongest soldier. Captain was as strong as human could get, he was everything Eren ever imagined the perfect soldier to be, but also - he was more than that. The more time he spent in his presence, the more human captain seemed to him, and it didn't make him any less worthy of admiration. It made him everything Eren was not, not only another asset in humanity's weaponry like the monster he was, but also someone valuable as a person.

Levi sharply returned to normal position as he saw Eren and instantly took a long sip from the cup he was handed. The tea must have been still close to boiling point but captain closed his eyes even further, his brows slightly unfurrowing.

'You can rely on them probably more than you can on me.' The statement came unexpected. Levi was looking straight at him.

'You were the person who stopped them from attacking me, sir' he pointed out, not bothering to act like there was something wrong with captain's conversation opener.

'I know' he sighed deeply, crossing his legs. 'But they will trust you more now. I will kill you if the situation calls for that.'

'I know.' Eren paused, looking at his tea, searching for the right words. 'And that is something I really need to rely on someone for, sir.'

'Care to explain?' Levis voice sounded a little strange, but Eren didn't want to look up from single leaf that got inside his cup from the kettle.

'Well... I don't know if I can even trust myself. I didn't know I can become a monster, how can I know what that monster can do? It is a relief that someone will kill me before I-I could try to kill someone. Like Mikasa.' His voice slightly trembled on last words and he quickly sipped a little tea to cover it. It was blissfully warm and comforting. 'It's a relief you are there to kill the monster, sir' he added.

' Jäger.' Captain's voice sounded a bit strained. He clearly waited for Eren to look at him, so he complied, raising his eyes from the cup. 'I don't want to kill you. And I don't hold such a sentiment for monsters.'

'Thank you, sir' Eren answered almost instantly, not sure how to react. He wasn't sure if he was more grateful or surprised.

'For not wanting to kill you? That's hardly a favor' captain snickered at him.

'I am not so sure if it applies to me.'

'Someone might have said the same thing about me' Levi blunted, looking regretful only a second later. Eren wasn't crazy enough to pursue the topic, but wonder why someone might have wanted to kill captain. Petra implied he had some past, but he couldn't believe it went to such extreme, even if captain said so himself.

'With all due respect, sir, you are not a titan and your comrades did not draw their swords at you' Eren uttered.

'Don't assume things, brat' captain suddenly looked annoyed. 'You are not a titan, and they did what they had to. We all do, you included. Don't feel so special'. He stood up, stretching his back. 'That's enough for tonight. Off to the dungeon you go.'

Eren, against all reason, felt comforted.

Then he was sure he could rely on captain. Right in that moment... not that much. He trusted him, and Petra, _all of them_ , and they were all dead.

But would it be different had he made other choice? Like captain Levi said, no one could predict the outcome of their decisions. But Eren could not help feeling it was unfair to make him take all the responsibility when it should have been someone's else to take. Captain Levi's to be exact.

 **End Note:**

Thank you all for reading. I am not a native speaker, so sorry for any mistakes, I tried my best and I try to learn more, so don't hesitate to tell me about any errors. Also, I'm looking for a beta, in case anyone would be interested. Oh, and I have a tumblr if anyone wants to follow some Ereri stuff and rants about writing:

.com

Have a nice day!


	2. Chapter 2

No tilia, please

With his amazing regenerating abilities Eren was feeling better with every hour, practically completely healed within two days. Mikasa had given up on sitting with him all the time so he was alone in his room at last.

After he finally turned into the titan he jeopardized Mikasa's life again, letting the female titan capture him. Mikasa reluctantly summarized him the events after he lost consciousness in his titan form, the part from which he didn't have even blurriest memories. She unhappily admitted that she let the emotions took over her and refused to take his apologies for what happened and even went as far as acknowledging the fact that if not for captain Levi she might have not been able to save him.

'I am not particularly happy about him being your _guardian_ , but he did save your life, maybe mine as well. And he might have died in process.' Mikasa looked through the window. 'He might not be as bad as I thought' she admitted.

'Maybe not' Eren agreed. He would have been happy with that confession from Mikasa before the fight with female titan. Right now, after he had his time to think, the anger at captain was bubbling in his chest. He could never count on Mikasa to share his opinions, she had to rethink Levi at the time Eren was mad at him. How unsupportive.

He swallowed the angry rant that bubbled in him. It was better this way, Mikasa was hard enough to convince to be on captain's side, and if he told her that he did nothing to support Eren in the forest, she might change her opinion again.

Then she was gone, having some responsibilities to take care of since Eren was feeling better. He was sitting alone, Hanji did not allow him to leave the room yet, but he was feeling way too well to sleep, instead just lying on the bed. It was late afternoon, sun still pretty high in the sky and the room pleasantly warm. Eren wished he could just enjoy it, the way he did while he was still a kid, before Shiganshina's wall fell.

A loud knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. Captain Levi was standing behind the door, a tray with Eren's dinner in his hands. All the others meals were brought by Mikasa or Armin, so captain must have specifically wanted to bring it therefore he probably wanted to talk to him, Sina knows what about. Possibly blame him for deaths of his squad.

'Well, will you let me in Jäger?' Captain was glowering at him, apparently Eren was standing in the doorway too long for his liking. He stepped aside and man carefully placed the tray on the desk, taking one of the chairs in the room without invitation. Eren felt a flare of anger igniting in him and ground his teeth to not make a comment. Instead he sat down to a bowl of soup, starting to eat immediately. At the sight of food he suddenly felt extremely hungry, apparently his body using a lot of energy to regenerate quickly. It wasn't particularly tasty, but not bad either, quite usual with lots of root vegetables and potatoes. Captain watched him silently through the meal and didn't move or speak once Eren finished and looked at him expectantly.

'I am done, sir' he announced, just to get some reaction.

'I may be old, but I'm not blind, Jäger.' Levi propped his elbows on the desk scanning his face, looking for something. Eren hadn't slightest idea what did he want, and talking to him right now was the last thing he wanted to do. Or more accurate, he had too much to say, too many accusation he should not tell his superior. He knew it, but if captain keep being around he would say them and get himself into some real trouble.

Captain was still staring at him with unperturbed expression and Eren lost it.

'How could you force me into making that decision?' He blurted. 'You are the captain, you are supposed to give orders, not talk some bullshit about everyone making their own choices and accepting their consequences!' he slammed hand against the desk, tray slightly bouncing off it, plates making rattling noise. Levi flinched away.

'I'm sorry' he said simply, and Eren immediately stopped the rant. This was not what he was expecting. 'It was wrong of me. I don't have all the answers.'

Only then Eren started to notice details in captain's appearance, which he didn't want to see before. Things unfitting his usual composure. Dark circles around the eyes, shoulders slumped a little, the lack of his cravat. A hint of tiredness in his voice.

'So why did you do it? Sir?' He added the title, realizing he was forgetting it before and captain did not ever reprimand him for that.

First time ever Levi seemed small to Eren. He slumped his shoulders even more but his eyes never left Eren's face. 'I thought it will be better if you made this decision himself than if I ordered you to do it. I was wrong. I wasn't expecting it all to turn out that shitty. Nobody can predict the outcome of one's decision, this includes me, Eren.' He rested his chin on his hand and continued, words slightly muffled by it. 'I should have trusted you enough to know you would follow my order.'

'I hope I would have' Eren answered truthfully. He really did, but he could not be sure until he had a possibility to test it. 'Maybe your decision was right after all, captain.'

'Maybe, maybe not, who the fuck knows. You are not to blame for what happened, do you understand, Jäger? 'The slump and the slight tiredness of his voice was suddenly gone, Levi was completely back to his captain demeanor, and Eren missed even the moment when he stopped acting like his superior, noticing it after it was all gone.

'Yes, sir.' His answer was automatic only, but it seemed to be enough for captain for now. He nodded curtly.

'There will be a meeting soon, regarding our next move. I hope you are up to attendance.' It really wasn't a question, and captain stood up without waiting for an answer.

Only then Eren finally noticed a slight limp.

'Captain, are you all right?' Eren inquired, as Levi walked to the door. Man turned around, looking a little surprised.

'Did Ackerman fail to inform you I was injured during your rescue? I thought she shares every little detail of her life with you.'

'No, sir. I mean she didn't tell me' he hesitated a bit. 'I'm sorry this happened' he added after a pause.

'You are being awfully sorry today, Jäger. Stop it, it's tiring. Things like that... happen, from time to time.' He shifted his weigh more on the uninjured leg. 'It's nothing that won't heal. Maybe not as fast as you do, but it will. And don't feel responsible for that, if anyone can be blamed it's Ackerman who did not follow my orders.' Captain looked a little angry for a second, if Eren was reading him correctly, and he felt he was learning pretty fast. It was the briefest expression, but it surely was there. 'It doesn't matter. You lived, she lived, she learnt her lesson and won't do that again.'

'You lived too' Eren muttered under his breath. He wasn't sure if captain heard him, he didn't comment regardless as he turned toward the door.

'Captain' Eren spoke up hesitantly. Levi faced him again, looking impatient and the boy almost resigned. But then he was never the one to be called a coward. Seeing Levi in such poor state made him unable to stop talking. 'I'm sorry for your loss, sir. It happened, I understand this things do, but... I'm so sorry.' He said in quiet voice, not looking at Levi.

'Thank you, Eren.' The voice sounded strained and captain was out of the door before he could even see his face.

Levi entered the room, closed the door behind him and heavily leant his back on them. He didn't remember the last time he was so tired. His leg was killing him, the meeting was extra-long, especially with kids bitching about how Annie was their friend and how they could not believe it. It was all Eren actually. 'Stupid brat' Levi thought, but even in his mind it lacked any real bite. Eren kept surprising him, mostly in pleasant ways. Kid was irritating, not even half as mature as Levi would prefer him to be, way too emotional to be truly relied on, impulsive, and _emphatic_. And it was a fucking bad thing. Kid should not feel sympathy towards him, respect was fine, trust also. But this idiot actually told him he was _sorry_ for his loss. He offered him compassion.

Levi knew he wasn't looking his best, but nobody else, even Erwin and Hanji, tried talking to him about it. Surely, kid was mad at him, but after he apologized Eren lost his bite and immediately tried comforting him. How even could he? Until then Levi had been sure that the kid maybe respected him, but also was afraid, or at least intimidated. He preferred it this way, it would have been so much easier. Maybe he let Eren talk to him too much, let him get to close, but kid clearly needed some guidance and companionship once he was taken away from all his friends. Now Levi could only hope all his good intentions won't backfire at him, with Eren not being able to follow his orders because of the lack of respect.

This was a bit unfair on Eren though. He _listened_ to him in the woods, and even though the outcome was tragic, he couldn't blame the kid. He did what he thought Levi wanted, and he _was_ right. He manipulated him, played him, made him feel guilty, which wasn't exactly what he was going for, but it was ultimate, even if unpredicted, result.

And now the kid was feeling bad for him, not mad as he should be. Just because he got injured and lost people. He undid his cravat and slumped into the chair, hiding face in hands.

At first he thought the soft knock on the door was only his imagination. After a moment it came back, a bit louder and more persistent this time, and he tiredly rubbed his eyes, getting mentally ready for another talk with Erwin about the upcoming operation, or Hanji's inquiries about state of his leg. Beside his former squad, he rarely talked with anyone else.

'Come in' he said in a loud voice.

The door stayed closed for a while, like a person on other side was hesitant to actually come in. It was unusual behaviour for both Erwin and Hanji. Finally the hinges creaked and Eren showed in the door, looking both nervous and determined at the same time.

'May I take a minute, sir?' he asked. Levi wanted to tell him to go away, he had enough for today, with planning, insomnia haunting him since the fight with Female Titan, and talking with Eren earlier that day.

'Come in, Eren' he found himself replying. And calling kid by his given name, for some strange reason. He apparently must have been more tired than he thought. Eren smiled at him gently and Levi felt like kid was praising him for doing the right thing. 'Take a sit' he gestured toward the chair on the other side of the desk. He was finding himself in this situation more frequently than he would want to.

Eren sat down, not tearing his gaze away from Levi even for a moment. Captain eyes bore into Eren like he wanted to make him uncomfortable, but it was only a part of the reason. He also wanted to understand the kid, so it will be easier to deal with him. Eren did not seem to care about Levi's gaze. As soon as he was granted permission to enter he relaxed and just took his time, sitting, making himself comfortable, and still staring at Levi, scanning him whole. It made him crazily uncomfortable.

'Did you want something, or you just wanted to sit here and look at me like I'm some goddamn piece of art?' he blurted, then rubbed his eyes again. This entire week was way too hard for him, and too long. Jäger did not look angry, or even offended, maybe a bit guilty.

'Sorry, sir' he offered. After another moment of silence he added: 'I did not want anything particular, sir.' He went silent after that. Levi's patience was running thin.

'If that so, maybe, just maybe, you should get the hell out of here?' The words were aggressive, but his voice passive. He was tired and angry but it wasn't Eren fault, even if he was adding to his tiredness with his behaviour right now. Besides, kid seemed to understand that the way he spoke was just the way he was and sat as relaxed as before. He was getting dangerously good at understanding him, that he was sure of.

'I mean, I had a reason to come, but I did not want anything' Eren explained, looking around the room now. There wasn't much to see, as the room was pretty standard issue with one bed, wardrobe, desk and two chairs, much alike a room Eren stayed in. As far as he knew the kid, the hesitancy to look at him meant he was about to finally grant him knowledge as to why he came to his room. 'I just wanted to ask if you needed some company?' he finally blurted out.

'Why would I want your company, kid? I should be going to sleep.' Levi answered. He wasn't sure why he did not say no straight away.

'You do not look like you were sleeping few past nights, sir.' Eren stated. His observation was true enough to make Levi not comment on it. 'And I'm not sure I will sleep tonight, after learning about Annie...' Eren's voice trailed off. This kid was too good hearted for his owns sake. Levi shook his head. He didn't even spent a single second debating the matter now, knowing he would let the kid stay for however long he wanted.

'Stupid brat' he muttered under his breath, hopefully quiet enough for Eren to not hear. 'Do you want some tea, Jäger?' he asked a bit louder. Kid's eyes lit at him instantly. He was clearly pleased that he was allowed to stay there, and Levi had no idea why he would prefer to spend his evening with him. Even if he was feeling nervous, or something, he still had his friends, _his sister_ ready to comfort him at any time, but he chose to come to him. He felt like he should ask, or suggest him to go elsewhere, but despite all reason... he wanted the kid to stay. He wasn't quite bad company.

'Yes, yes, I would' Eren sounded relived that he was allowed to accompany Levi.

'Do you care for something in particular or should I chose for you?' man asked. Eren was looking _playful_ as he answered.

'Choose for me, I like almost everything.'

'So there is something you don't' Levi stated the obvious, instantly mad at himself for doing so. 'Care to tell me?'

'I'm not a big fan of tilia' Eren shrugged. 'It's not a big deal, I drunk it when I was sick and mother made me, but I don't care for it much' he explained.

'Fine, no tilia then.'

Soon they both had steaming cups in front of them. Levi drunk from his almost instantly. The tea was a bit too hot even for him, but he liked the slight burn on his tongue. Eren didn't even try it yet. He made them plain lemon balm given the fact they both had trouble with sleep.

'So what do we do now? I mean, what do you do when you can't sleep, sir?' Eren inquired.

'Usually I lie in bed and think' he answered truthfully, no reason to lie. He didn't mention that it was much better that he was not forced to lie alone for another sleepless night, rethinking all of the mistakes he had ever made, all of the people that died due to them. He had a feeling Eren understood that anyway, and it terrified, excited and comforted him all at once. Kid's been playing some tricks on his mind. 'With you, I don't know. What do you do when you can't sleep?' he asked in return.

Eren seemed to think through the question. 'Usually I talk to Armin or Mikasa. Or we just sit together in silence. It is still better than being alone.'

At that Levi thought back to times with Farlan and Isabel. He could relate to that. They drank tea in silence for a moment, both lost in their thoughts.

'Want to play something?' Levi asked after his thought took a dangerous turn for most recent events. His heart clenched painfully at thought of Petra and how much she resembled Isabel in some ways. Eren came here to make him not think about it, so he was going to take what was given to him unexpectedly.

'Sure.' Eren replied. 'I mean, yes, sir' he corrected himself. Levi sighed internally.

'You don't have to be so careful all damn time, especially when you are keeping me company when I can't sleep. It's fine, Eren' he said. As Eren nodded obediently Levi only hoped it won't affect their relationship outside of his room, in bright daylight, far away from sleepless nights. Everything felt a bit off in the weak light of olive lamps. He stood up to bring the game, his knee giving up a bit under him as he did after sitting for a long time. Eren jumped up instantly, as wanting to help him stand, but he gestured him not to. He was fine, at least fine enough.

'Are you ok, sir?' Eren stayed in his chair as he made him, but he inquired anyway, clearly not taking the hint that Levi didn't want it mentioned. Or not wanting to take the hint, given how good the kid was at reading him.

'Yes, I'm fine. Or at least I will be soon. I told you already' his tone was mildly annoyed. Not particularly because Eren asked, but the injury was taking him out of the action at the capital and he should be there. 'Now shut up and listen carefully. The game is called Nine Man's Morris.'

After few games the score was three to zero for Levi, the last one finally being some challenge for him. Eren was learning slowly and him being sleepier every minute certainly didn't help. As they started the fourth game Levi was sure they won't finish it, but he set the pieces anyway. Playing was great for not thinking, even if he had to choose strategies easy enough for Eren to counter. He wasn't great player, but he was not bad for his first time.

As he placed the pieces at their starting positions Eren lied his face on the desk and yawned, not even bothering to cover his mouth. Levi wanted to feel disgusted, but mostly he felt... thankful was the right word. Before he got to make his first move Eren eyes closed as he fell asleep on top of his desk.

'Stupid kid' Levi muttered to himself. Eren's position looked very uncomfortable, with whole upper body leaning toward the desk, supported only by one arm and head. The key, usually hidden under kid's shirt was hanging loose, reminding Levi why he was putting up with the brat. He sort of forgot, just having surprisingly pleasant evening with _humanity's last hope_ , like he was just regular member of his squad. Did he ever even spent an evening like that with any of them? He didn't think so, but none of them really offered. Last time...

He stopped that trail of thought. It was useless. The past was gone and the future was looking a bit less grim for once, thanks to the kid, who for some goddamn reason decided to come to him and spent his night keeping him company. 'Too nice for his own good' Levi thought, looking at Eren's face. His features were peaceful, like he was used to sleeping in uncomfortable positions and in new places, which was definitely true for any soldier of Survey Corps.

Not that kid's life was particularly easy even before military. It wasn't hard to notice that he went through some crap, but even so, he remained good hearted, almost innocent. Always willing to please, to help, how did this kid manage to remain so open toward people after all that happened in his life Levi couldn't fathom. But he didn't want the kid to turn out the same as him. He could see similarities in their lives, both of their mothers dead and fathers missing. But kid had a sister and best friend ready to die for him, while Levi didn't. Not anymore, at least. There were too many deaths in his life and he could only hope that Eren's life won't take similar turn, although chances were that it would. It was almost certain it would.

Even so, Levi wondered, looking at Eren's peaceful face, this kid may not break. He might just stay exactly the same, even after he survived through same crap Levi did. Eren had strong spirit, he was idealistic, something Levi never was and never dreamt of being. Yes, the kid was so much stronger than him. He sighted and got up.

'Eren, wake up' Levi said, his hand mindlessly ruffling kid's hair. Eren blinked slowly getting rid of sleepiness clouding his eyes a little. He looked way too innocent for someone who had a titan inside himself. But he wasn't a titan, that was as clear as day for Levi. 'You fell asleep. Go to your room.'

'Sorry, sir. It won't happen again' Eren's words were slightly blurry, but he sat straight once again. Levi's hand fell back at his side. 'We can play another one.'

Levi actually smiled at that, only a little, but he was sure Eren noticed. Kid was good at reading him anyway. 'Thank you for the offer, but I will go to bed too.' That wasn't a lie. He felt more peaceful than past few nights and he might actually try sleeping. 'And you should too. Go, Eren.' He added, noticing a bit too late that he switched to his first name again.

Kid must have also realized that because he was giving him suspicious look, but he nodded and got out of the door with silent 'Goodnight, Captain Levi.'

He felt a bit warmer on the inside, a bit more peaceful.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hot tea**

Everything went to hell. Maybe if he were there to help... He cut off this train of thought instantly. Night was pitch dark and quiet, the sky covered by black, heavy clouds. The storm was coming. Both literally and metaphorically, Levi expected.

First the fight with that Leonhart kid, without him on the battlefield, just lurking behind... They all knew that if Eren's titan got out of control, there was no possibility that kid got out of titan alive. Nobody else, even that Mikasa girl, was skilled enough to risk trying to cut Eren out alive, even without his limbs. If anything went wrong, kid would have been dead.

Levi was, despite Erwin's distinct orders, fully equipped in his maneuver gear the moment commander left him behind. This damn kid almost gave him a heart attack, keeping him on the verge of throwing himself into the battlefield to just _do something_. Anything. The second Annie was extracted from the titan body, Eren safe and sound, Levi's legs literally given out, he just sat down on the roof. His hands were shaking, blades laying forgotten next to him. He didn't even realize how stressed he was until that whole mess was over. Wave of relief that washed over him, just seeing kid alive made his head spin.

It was their last success. With titan revealed inside the Wall Sina, Erwin summoned for hearing, and Leonhart hiding herself inside some strange crystal material, not to forget pastor willing to sacrifice his life to protect secrets of the Wall... They were nose deep in some shit.

Mysteries and enemies were surrounding them, and as far as he was able to deal with the latter, the first were never his cup of tea. Hopefully Hanji will be able to make something out of the clues. Maybe.

Erwin lost his arm. They let another titan-shifters escape, that Leonhart girl was still hidden inside the crystal like a fucking sleeping beauty. At least they retrieved Eren.

And now Levi was sitting on his unmade bed, deep in the night, not even pretending he would be able to get some rest, even if he tried.

Morning light found him asleep, half laying, half leaning against the cold glass of the window. He must have passed out few moments before the dawn.

Levi was awfully quiet at Hanji's side as they were coming back to the cottage where Eren and Historia were hidden along with the rest of new special operation squad. Normally mere thought about it would made his heart clench, but today he could not stop thinking about something else. His head kept spinning, he didn't manage to eat anything today and long journey wasn't helping any matters. He would prefer to be allowed to _do_ something instead of sitting and thinking about it again, and again, and again.

Hanji was half dosing off and half looking through the window of the carriage, unusually quiet.

'Are you worried about something Levi?' She suddenly asked, not looking sleepy anymore. Her eyes had that unfocused look she always had without her glasses on. She took them off to sleep more comfortably, now unable to properly focus on his face, yet he knew she was paying full attention now. He shrugged in response. 'Levi. I know you for quite some time. I can _hear_ something is troubling you. And I think, I know what.' Hanji turned her gaze away from him. 'You think you are the only one who feels horrible? If this is true... We are all mass murderers. I tortured, killed, maimed innocent people for science.' Hanji looked uncomfortable, but Levi remained silent. 'And I would still do it, I would mutilate any number of them, no matter _what_ they are and I will continue to do so. It is still a war. No matter what happens, it's all for humanity's sake.'

It was all true and they both knew it. Erwin did know it too, saying him losing his arm wasn't even enough _payment_ for all the people he knowingly sent into the warm embrace of titans. Levi would never be able to do that. He could only trust in commander's judgment and follow all his orders, but he could never sent his man to die knowing it was unavoidable. Maybe Erwin was right and he would burn in hell. Levi just couldn't understand how he could despise himself for that and still do it.

Levi could have told her to stop lecturing him like he didn't already know all of that. Of course he did. If a titan appeared right then, he would slay it without second thought, not only it being second nature to him, but also his _responsibility_ to the humankind behind walls. But he would think about it at night, long sleepless hours were ahead of him. He didn't say anything, as Hanji wasn't really talking to him. She was processing the information, merely using him to transfer her own feeling and lecture herself. Everyone needed to confirm that what they were doing was right.

Probably even Erwin.

He could only hope his new squad will be able to understand it too. Connie Springer was sent on his way few hours earlier and he presumably already told them all about Hanji theory, about his goddamn mother _talking_ to him, for gods' sake. He fucking pitied the kid for having to survive through something like that. And he couldn't cut him any slack nevertheless, since he must be able to kill titans in any moment. Knowing that said titan might have some relatives, family and friends...

Levi shivered. He must stop thinking about it, and he just couldn't. How this kids would do that?

'It's all fine Hanji. There is nothing else we can do' he answered finally, and she _smiled_ sadly at him.

'I know.' At least they still had no idea if the process were reversible. Because if it were, he might as well break.

The house was completely quiet once he got back from his evening run. His leg was finally better but after a rest so long he felt a bit rusty. Seeing all the lamps were off, even Hanji's room was dark, he felt relieved and also a bit anxious. Sitting back quietly seemed nice on the surface, but he didn't want to be all alone with his thoughts. Hopefully there were some alcohol in the cottage. He never liked getting drunk, preferring his mind as sharp as possible, but that night was different. He needed some relief.

The house had vodka and he decided that mixing it with hot peppermint tea would create delicious combination.

I was not as tasty as he would like it to be, but it had alcohol and was drinkable. He still felt guilty about drinking at duty, so he poured himself more vodka. More like half tea and half vodka. He finished first mug standing over kitchen sink, looking into the dark forest through the window.

It wasn't like his new squad would turn into titans tonight, he thought as poured another one, this time taking it to the center room of the house where the fireplace was still burning, left there by his squad. Irresponsible little shits. He dragged a chair as close as possible to it without burning himself, and sat with one leg curled up against his chest and chin on his knee, vodka bottle beside.

Levi briefly debated on making more tea to go with it, but decided against it. Drinking would be more efficient without tea, and he wanted to get drunk fast and efficient. Then he heard footsteps down the hall.

As he looked up from the flames he saw Eren already standing in the door, with puzzled expression, with littlest hints of worry on his face. He really was like an open book, wasn't he?

'Yes, Jäger? Do you require something?' He meant to be ironic, but his words lacked any real spite. They came out more sincere than anything else. Eren might have also expected something different, because he simply stood there for a moment. Levi just observed that kid was barefoot, wearing only a nightgown. That far from fire must have been pretty cold.

'Would you mind if I sat with you?' Eren asked finally. He must have clearly saw what Levi had been drinking, hell, he must have seen he was already slightly drunk, as his cheeks always got pink after alcohol and he felt his face getting hot. But he didn't make any comment. While he was sure of himself and blunt in conversations with mostly anyone else, he always seemed so intimidated by Levi, even after all this time. Like he did ever sent him away. Stupid kid soothed his nerves.

'Why not?' He pointed his head toward another chair. Eren padded through the room on bare feet to get it, placing it right next to Levi and sat crossed-legged. Levi took another big gulp finishing second drink and placed the mug on the ground.

'Want some, kid?' He offered Eren the bottle, still more full than empty. Eren hesitantly accepted it and took a small sip. Despite Levi's expectations he did not cough, only cringed a little and passed vodka back. 'I see it's not the first time you drink.'

'No. I'm not really a kid, captain.' Eren answered matter-of-factly. Levi took another long swing, wiping mouth with back of his hand. It was damn strong and it burned his throat a little, warmth spreading through him both from alcohol and fire.

Eren extended his hand, clearly expecting the bottle back. _'Why the fuck not'_ Levi thought as he gave it to him. This stupid kid was keeping him company once again and he stopped wondering how this was happening. Eren just mysteriously _knew_ when to come and what to do for Levi to _need_ him to stay.

They drank for a moment in comfortable silence, both lost in their thoughts. Eren started getting little red on top of his cheeks and Levi briefly though kid looked cute this way. Then he thought about blood on his blades and about Springer's mother welcoming him home.

Eren kept his hand on Levi's arm as he abruptly threw up over the porch railing. Kid was still barefoot and it wasn't pretty, with Levi violently shaking through it, wiping his face with a hand, before Eren managed to pull out a handkerchief from _his own_ pocket. He forgot he even had it.

The second wave came a moment later and Eren held his hair this time, tenderly combing through them as his nausea calmed. He used the freaking handkerchief this time. He should not let himself fall apart this bad, not in front of anyone, surely not in front of this kid whom he was supposed to kill if anything went wrong. Levi leaned into calming touch of Eren's hand in his hair.

'Come inside, captain' Eren's voice was low and calm, as if he was trying to calm him down or not to scare him away. He should get mad anyway, he knew it, but he let the kid led him back to him place in front of fireplace with gentle hand on his arm. As he sat down he was handed vodka bottle again and Eren disappeared from the room. Soon he heard water being splashed outside. _Oh_.

He took a sip. So Eren did not think he was throwing up because of too much alcohol. Kid again knew exactly well what was going on with him. He hoped Eren would be back soon. He _needed_ someone there. Or maybe he was lying to himself a little, he wanted, needed, or whatever someone may call it, Eren next to him.

He was back, this time with pants, shirt and boots on. Snatched the bottle from Levi without question and took a long swing. He didn't even grimace this time, just propped his elbows on knees, staring into the fire, bottle hanging from his left hand, strand of hair in his face.

'How are you feeling, sir?' Eren asked in low voice.

'Same. I don't know.' Levi tried to give truthful answer, but he wasn't that good in talking about feelings. Fuck, he was absolute shit with it. 'Less nauseous.' He settled for a final answer. Eren nodded and took another sip, giving vodka back to him this time.

'That's good. Sir.'

'Stop with this fucking sir, Eren.' Levi snapped. 'You just fucking held my hair as I puked, we might as well skip formalities.'

Kid nodded. 'I'm not the only one whose life is absolutely fucked now.' He announced and Levi looked at him confused. 'I let myself get captured again and more people died because of me.' He continued. The blame thing was strong with this kid, Levi though, and patted him lightly on the back. Shit, kid was warm. He didn't even look back at him, just continued staring into the fire. 'And now this. I feel so sorry for Connie... I can't imagine what I would feel if it was my mother.'

'Oh, and don't forget that we had been killing _humans_ for quite some time.' Levi added almost inaudibly. He felt another wave of nausea daring to escape. Eren was close to him in an instant, hand on his arm, face awfully close to his.

'I'm not.' His voice was reassuring and he did not know what the kid was trying to accomplish. The fire was getting low as none of them cared enough to add more wood to it. 'Cap...Levi.' He corrected himself fast. 'May I hug you?' Eren asked without a hint of uncertainty in his voice. Their chairs were basically touching and kid was close enough for Levi to feel trapped and cornered but he didn't. He felt safe and protected.

Funny. He might have to kill this kid, he tried to remind himself, but alcohol and regret dulled his reason, and Eren was warm, close, and safe, and his hand was pleasantly heavy on Levi's arm. 'Why?' He just asked.

'Because you look like someone who really needs a hug.' Eren was not looking him in the eye, like he tried not to scare him, like Levi would get scared because kid who was supposed to trust him and rely on him just watched him get wasted and now decided Levi looked like someone who desperately needed a hug.

'Permission granted' he answered. Maybe he just did.

Eren's arm circled his chest slowly, pulling Levi into himself until side of his face wasn't pressing against side of kid's neck, his chest leaning heavily onto him. He let his arms hang loose, not daring to touch him, not sure why. Was it too much for his pride? He didn't want to debate on that now.

He felt as Eren swallowed under his cheek, rough hand stroking firmly his back, right from nape of his neck to the small of his back, repeating the motion over and over as Levi gave out a small huffing breath and relaxed into him a little.

' _Maybe I really fucking needed a hug_ 'he thought as he felt his eyes slightly watering, and he blinked tears away. ' _It's so unfair_ ' he thought as Eren's other hand worked his way into his hair, massaging his scalp lightly. What did he do to deserve it all, why everyone died, why was he all alone. Except for this kid, apparently. Gods, what was wrong with him.

'Everything will be alright' he heard Eren mumble into his hair, as he pressed his cheek into top of his head. Kid was so warm that he didn't need fireplace, and for the shortest moment he let himself believe that he would be fine.

After some time the stroking stopped and the fire burned out completely. Eren was still holding him in his arms, but Levi's neck was starting to hurt from the position, and he was just feeling _better_. He didn't want to think what sort of magic Eren and alcohol worked at him, but he was grateful as he freed himself from kid's arms. Eren looked a little reluctant to let him go, but finally removed hand from his hair.

'Go to bed, Eren.' Kid looked like he was about to say something, but Levi just shook his head and Eren stopped immediately. 'Just go. I'm fine now.'

'Goodnight' Eren whispered, standing in the doorway. He is still a bit flushed, alcohol clearly took its toll on him too.

'Goodnight, Eren' he whispered back, and kid flashed him this beaming smile of his, and Levi felt his heart tighten a little just looking at him. What did he got himself into that night?

'All in' guard with slight tummy visible even under his uniform announced with wide smile. Wrinkles around his eyes became more visible, showing that he used to laugh a lot.

Both remaining guards kept their composure, with their poker faces still on.

'Me too' declared the one on the left, slightly giving out his nerves by rubbing on his stubbly cheek. He was much younger, but darker skin and facial hair were adding years to his appearance.

'Check' the last one said. The whole night of boredom were ahead of them and they all will have a chance to win back their money.

The guards were as unengaged in watching the crystal as ever, drinking vodka and playing cards. First few days they did pay the extra attention to any possible movement from the girl inside it, just as that crazy science bitch made them, but after few nights it grew old. Nobody on the guard duty even glanced in crystal direction during their shifts.

'Full house, gentlemen' older guard announced, grinning.

'Shit, I was sure bastard was bluffing' man with stubble thrown his cards on the table, not showing what he did have. Most of the sentinels were great players.

They almost did not hear it over the laughter of the older man. Almost.

Soft cracking noise drew attention of the third guard. When he came closer to inspect it, the crevice in the crystal became deeper. He was not sure if he saw the girl blink or it was all in his imagination, but he screamed:

'Wilson, run to Commander Smith! That bitch just moved!'

He did not tear his gaze away from unmoving figure even when he heard the wooden chair fell to the stone floor.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sage has a long history**

The morning greeted Eren with dark clouds and a slight headache. Nothing too bad but it was there, endless pressure in his temples. Not enough to make him unable to live just making him irritable.

The realization hit him once he pushed away the pled to get out of the bed. The drinking, the talking, the _hugging_. Eren swallowed hard but it didn't help sudden dryness he felt in his throat as he fell back onto the mattress.

'Dear Sina' Eren mumbled into the pillow. He definitely did not want to go downstairs and meet Captain Levi. It would be brutal, he knew it already. Man must be _furious_. Not only did he interrupt his alone drinking session, but he petted him like a god damn cat, and oh, hey, why not, he also hugged him. Only because man looked like he really needed some comfort and it was painful to even look at him this way, but nevertheless. He hugged Captain Levi.

He needed to repeat it to himself few times to even believe it. He should not have drank any of that vodka. He also could not have come to captain once he heard him moving in the kitchen but since he came to the cottage with Hanji he just had that look in his eyes that made Eren shiver.

Captain looked empty inside and once everyone gathered for briefing about current events at the capital he just left it to Hanji and went for a run. Eren never saw Levi quite that stiff before, and worried look Hanji gave him only confirmed his assumptions. Captain was very much not fine. That news Connie brought were terrifying and they had been killing titans for only a month. And Levi must have killed hundreds. If he started thinking about them as humans it was no wonder he looked dead inside. Because that was what Eren saw inside Levi's eyes. Death and emptiness. It was just too painful to look at him, so once he heard Levi come back, he had to get out of bed, as he couldn't sleep anyway, and go to see if he was alright.

Clearly, he wasn't, and Eren was amazed he was even allowed to keep him company. He felt _honoured_. The captains demeanour was all gone from both Levi's stance and way of talking, and both that and alcohol made Eren brave. Now he would be despised by Captain Levi. Even if he gave Eren permission to hug him, he was intoxicated and vulnerable, as disturbing as the thought might be.

Even though meeting captain now would be horrifying, Eren was glad he did it. Levi looked better after that hug and he didn't think he would be able to stand seeing such emptiness in captain's eyes ever again. He preferred seeing him open and vulnerable. Captain clearly wasn't good at dealing with his emotions, what made it even more peculiar that he let Eren by his side at that time.

He just tried not to wonder about if there would be another time with captain so emotionally exhausted he would need someone to sit with him through it. And how many times before he was left alone when he felt like that. For both, Eren just hoped, the answer was never.

When he finally made it downstairs everyone was already there, some of them still finishing their breakfast, but mostly just sitting, looking distressed. The only person absent was Hanji, Eren managed to notice, before his attention was drawn to Captain Levi standing leaning against kitchen counter, arms crossed on his chest, cup of tea sat next to him. His brows are even more furrowed then always, and he frowned even more as he noticed Eren standing in the doorway.

'I see you finally decided to grace us with your presence, Jäger.' Levi snorted at him and a sharp ting of hurt reminded Eren that Levi called him by first name even before previous night. Well, that was gone, then. He should have expected.

'Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir.' He stood to attention, but captain was already looking away, so he slumped his shoulders again. The rest of the group was watching then silently, clearly sensing the tension. It was Mikasa who finally moved, pushing him forward the kitchen table, making him sit, and placing bread, butter and a jar of honey in front of him. He didn't dare to say he lost his appetite, and started eating right away, not ready to put up with her nagging right away in the morning. Captain was enough trouble.

'Well, I hope you would not be offended, Jäger, if we start before you finish eating.' _It is just unfair'_ Eren thought, as he was not the only one at the table that was still enjoying their breakfast. Sasha was also savoring slice of bread with some jam on it, Jean was drinking tea, and Connie was munching on an apple while looking through the window. Nothing of that seemed to bother the captain though. ' _He must resent me'_ Eren thought helplessly. 'As most of you, who did not sleep until noon, already know, we had a visitor at the crack of dawn. Squad leader Hanji already left with them.' Captain paused and finished his tea. Before he could place cup down it was taken away by Historia, who flashed her endearing smile at him.

'Would you like another one, sir?' She asked, as considerate as always, and captain nodded.

'Peppermint, Historia.' He continued, as she busied herself with placing teapot over the fire and pouring leaves into the cup: 'To cut the chase, Leonhart's crystal started to break last night. Until the moment Commander Smith sent the messenger the crack wasn't very big, but god's knows how it is now. Hanji left immediately, but we will wait here until we get some more information. Any questions?'

Everyone froze, looking mortified. Piece of bread Eren was swallowing got stuck in his all of sudden too dry throat and he coughed awkwardly, drawing everyone's attention to himself.

'What is it Jäger? Anything to say?' captain barked as Eren coughed, feeling tears gathering in his eyes. Finally he was able to speak again.

'No, sir. I just choked a little.'

'You survived, _Sina be blessed_.' He mocked, and looked as he was about to continue, but Historia handed him a full, steaming cup, and he took it, apparently deciding to leave Eren alone for that moment. He sunk lower in his chair.

'The fact that we will be staying here doesn't mean you can sit on your asses and laze around all day. You are a bunch of kids and if you are ever to survive, we have some serious training to do.' He brushed hair of his face and Eren noticed how tired he looked. That night was hard on him, no matter how he behaved. He should be mad at him for the way he was treating him, but seeing him tired and stressed made it hard for Eren. 'Assemble if front of the shack in one hour. You will not die under my command.' The look on Levi's face made Eren think that last sentence just slipped, but he quickly covered the expression by taking a sip from his cup and then left.

Everyone seemed to relax as soon as captain was out of the door and Eren remembered he was the only one who had the chance to get to know Levi, while for the rest he was only a strict and very awkward superior with unhealthy thing for cleanliness. He kept looking through the open doorway until Mikasa sat next to him.

'What the hell was that about? I might just want to kill him again.' Mikasa even as not completely serious with her threat, surely looked mad. He had never been afraid of his sister, but seeing her wearing such a deadly expression made him understand what her opponents felt sometimes.

'Mikasa might be exaggerating a little, but Eren, seriously? Why was he attacking you all of sudden?' Armin questioned in low voice, sitting across the table. The rest of their group seemed to be already engrossed in their own business, not noticing, or just not caring enough about the personal issues Levi might have with Eren. 'I thought you were on good terms' he puzzled.

'I might have an idea' Eren admitted after a while of deliberation. 'But please, let me see if I can sort it out myself. If he keeps treating me this way, I promise, you can kill him, ok?' He smiled at Mikasa, and even if she was still looking doubtful, she nodded in agreement. Armin looked as unsatisfied as her, but he shrugged, letting it go.

That was a big relief. All of them knew Mikasa could do nothing about how Levi was treating him, and Eren had no idea if he could repair the damage done to their relationship, but maybe as time passed Levi would at least forget it a little. And he would prefer not telling them the truth. He will if the situation won't fix itself, he would not let Mikasa hate Levi again, but just not yet.

' _Stupid, annoying_ _brat'_ Levi thought when he saw Eren walking into the kitchen late in the morning. ' _He did nothing wrong'_ he noticed next. Then he proceeded to act like he hated the kid, watching him get smaller and smaller with every remark he made.

He left the room as his headache started to get impossible to bear.

The hell got over him last night? He was only going for a quiet evening of getting himself drunk to sleep and then, of course, Eren Jäger appeared and had to keep him company.

He felt sick. Not because of too much alcohol, that would be a blessing compared to all the thoughts he woke up with. And continued having.

He should really not woke up missing his subordinate's hands in his hair. At first he could pretend it was only alcohol still running through his veins, but after hours passed and he sat in the kitchen, waiting for his new squad to arrive, and then when he listened to them talking quietly, clearly unsure how they should behave around him, he were supposed to feel better. And yet he sat there, impatient for the brat to show his face downstairs. And once he did, he just right away got mad at him. He would at least like to have his emotions in check enough to understand why he was furious, but no, he had no idea.

Irrational, he knew he was acting nuts. Kid did absolutely nothing wrong. He tried to help, and he did, no matter what Levi tried to convince himself. Eren came, offered silent comfort, and not once overstepped boundaries without asking. And he was punishing him for nothing.

But he felt ridiculously _good_ once he saw him, and he shouldn't. And maybe _that_ was making him crazy with rage.

His headache let go a little through the hour he spent on cleaning his blades and trying not to think at all. He could not trust his thoughts not to go in the wrong direction, so he set himself on not thinking at all. So far it was semi-working and he could leave for training calmer than before.

He was first in front of the building, as it was still fifteen minutes left to the appointed time. Or at least he thought he was, noticing curled form under the apple tree growing in the front yard. _Eren_. The kid was sitting there with his eyes closed, back leaning against the bark, hands resting on his knees. ' _Stupid, stupid kid_ ' Levi thought, watching him as he wanted to imprint the sight in his brain. Eren looked peaceful, as he rarely did. That kid did not deserve this life.

'Eren' he called, forgetting for a moment he was angry. Kid opened his eyes, awareness flashing in them, as he looked around for the source of the sound, looking both relieved and nervous once he found Levi. He jumped to the standing position.

'Yes, sir?' Eren's voice was very small.

He was more nervous than relieved, wasn't he? It was all Levi's fault. Hell, like he ever was good with dealing with emotional crap like that. He honestly wanted to say something, anything, to appease Eren, but as soon as he opened his mouth this Blouse girl busted out of the door, trailed by the rest of the recruits.

Not recruits, but Levi's new squad, he had to remind himself. He never had to deal with group with such a little experience before. They might have been old enough to join the army, but they were also only a bunch of kids next to him, with a little to no experience. There may have been something special about them, but still, they saw nothing yet.

All of them were on time to his mild annoyance. He could use an opportunity to scold them, just to make a point, but no. On the other hand, they may be already too afraid of him.

All of them were wearing their three dimensional gear, and he was proud and upset at the same time. Did he ask them to wear it? No. Did he tell him they are going to train? Yes. But why did they assume it was titan fighting training? Well, sure, they primary enemies were titans, but Levi had a lot of bad feeling after Erwin was kept for questioning, with that pastor also being problematic... Something was up.

'I have no idea, who did tell you to wear your maneuvering gear, but great, you could use some raised difficulty level. We will do hand to hand combat training today. Pair up.' He ignored astonished looks. This first time he was letting them make up their own couples, so he could see what they can do on their own, in comfortable environment. Most of them were on top of their class, curious enough they chose to enlist in Survey Corps. He was there, but it was fate which thrown him in. They legitimately had choice, but yet, they were here. He did wonder for a moment why, but a loud conversation brought him back to training.

'Sorry, Krista, you're on your own. I might have liked to train with you, but now... Maybe one of the girls would prefer to couple up with you.' The tall kid with long face uttered at Historia. Jean Kirschtein, his brain supplied. 'You know, since you like girls _so much_.' He drew out the last words dramatically. 'But I doubt any of them would like to get as close to your sweet little heart as Ymir did.' Kirschtein looked proud with himself, most of his peers seemed to agree, only Blouse and Eren looking annoyed with him. Historia just looked into the ground, looking small and pathetic, and really, she should learn how to defend herself, he was not going to help her.

'Historia, you're with me. You're odd numbered anyway' Levi announced, not commenting on anything Jean said. It wasn't anything new. During first years of his services women were outnumbered in the army, even quite rare, and he witnessed quite few same-sex relationships. Some of them were made public, usually the ones which run deeper than sex only and they were punished. Mostly by sending the _freaks_ to the Survey Corps. That meant, in most of the cases, death. Sooner or later, but veterans saw their fair share of homosexuals and heard all of the hate world had. As long as it was not getting in the way of work commanders tried not to comment either way. He didn't even know Erwin's views on this.

In the first run the goal was the same as during their recruit training. Get the knife from the opponent. The pairs, beside him and Historia, were: Mikasa and Eren, Armin with Jean and Sasha with Connie.

First round went well, with everyone succeeding. Historia wielded the sword in their pair, so it was fairly easy, but he got annoyed at Mikasa retrieving weapon from Eren, who was supposed to be the best at hand to hand in their class. That girl was talented, for sure, but the kid had to be able to beat anyone, _especially_ hand to hand. They could not risk him getting injured in his human form, and with Annie possibly awake again, everything could go wrong any minute. Levi just had a bad feeling about this.

For the next round he made them mix up, leaving Historia to work with Mikasa, which was unfair on the Reiss girl, but she would have to deal with it. Eren was paired up with Jean this time and he had taken Armin to fight him. Unsurprisingly kid was unable to retrieve a knife from him, but he did put fair effort into it.

 _'Good job, Alert_ ' Levi was about to say as Eren's screamed _fuck_ made nearby birds took off the tree. He was next to kid in an instant, blood dripping onto the ground from his left palm, cut almost all the way through. Jean was looking mortified, blooded dagger laying on the ground next to his feet.

Before he thought better of it, he was grabbing Eren's wrist and pulling the hand for close inspection. It was hard to see how much damage was done as it was bleeding rather heavily, and Levi cursed under his breath. So much for not getting the kid injured.

'Eren, inside. The rest, keep training. Kirschtein, I will talk to you later.' His voice must have come out harsher than he intended as Jean looked absolutely mortified, the rest of the squad not much better. That he will deal with later, he decided, following Eren as soon as he finished barking out orders.

It wasn't hard to track the kid, given the fact that he was marking his path with small bloodstains. The floors were in disastrous state, but Levi found himself not caring. He found Eren in the kitchen, with his palm above the sink, blood slowly dripping into it.

'How are you feeling?' Levi asked, again grabbing onto his wrist.

'It hurts, but I will be fine. It's only a cut.' Eren answered, and he had to agree now, after he had a calm look on kid's injury. He might have overreacted a little.

'It's going to burn' he warned before running cold water over Eren's palm. Kid mumbled something, but he did not pay attention, focusing on washing all the blood away. The wound was clean, edges sharp and clean, more a stab than a cut, as it run deep inside the flesh, but opening was fairly small. The bleeding was also starting to fade away. 'Stay here for a moment.' He ordered as he headed upstairs.

He retrieved the bandages and healing lotion from his private supply, proceeding to apply it to the wound carefully and precisely. Eren was still, not flinching at all, even if, as Levi knew perfectly well, it must have stung as a bitch. He looked on kid's face before wrapping bandage over his hand and Eren was watching him work as he was in some kind of trance, clearly contemplating every single one of his moves. Only under that penetrating gaze Levi became aware of how delicate he was, how he _held it_ with caution, even stroking lightly at Eren's fingers during the process. No wonder kid was watching him with that much amusement.

He tried to be less careful while wrapping bandage around the wound, only half succeeding.

'Thank you, Levi' Eren almost whispered as he tied a little bow at the end of the gauze. He suddenly felt helpless as he looked back into Eren's eyes. Even if he wasn't smiling this stupid vividly green eyes of his were. He should have said something, maybe if they did have some company he would have, but all he did was shake his head and let go off his hand.

'You're dismissed. Go have some rest.' He said finally and watched the kid leave, feeling ridiculously happy once Eren turned around in the doorstep and flashed a small smile. At least he did not smile back, and heavens know, he did want to.

On hour later he sent Historia with a cup of sage tea to him. He wanted to go himself, but it might have been a bad idea, so he sent the girl instead. Once she got back she informed him that Eren asked her to thank the captain.

He did not ask Historia to tell Eren he sent her. Possibly she actually didn't.

The training was long over when another messenger arrived, both him and his horse breathless. That Blouse girl was just coming back from the stable as he halted his horse and jumped off directly in front of her, demanding to see Levi as soon as possible.

She led him into the kitchen, where most of them were sitting and chattering quietly, Levi sitting at the table, watching them as they grew more and more comfortable having him around.

It wasn't unexpected yet everyone were shocked.

Annie was awake.


	5. Chapter 5

**Raspberry covers the taste**

The night was spent in furiously whispered conversations while exhausted messenger slept in Captains Levi's bed. The information were very brief, only once piece of paper with few sentences written out in Commander Erwin's careful handwriting.

 _Annie Leonhart is awake. If no further information arrives till morning I expect Captain Levi in capital as soon as possible. Keep them save._

Erwin clearly did not trust anyone, not daring to even write Eren and Historia's names. The message arrived in sealed envelope, but it didn't meant nobody have read it. If Erwin suggested no one should be trusted, Levi wasn't naive enough to disregard it.

After that sort of information nobody went to bed and Levi couldn't blame them. Hell, with most of them Leonhart being a traitor was still an issue. He leant on the counter, tapping his fingers against it, trying to keep his nerves in check. It was still long until the dawn, nevertheless it was coming and hoping something will happen was depending on miracle. Like hell he was doing that.

The last thing he would like to do was leaving Eren and Historia alone with the squad. The order did not say strictly what he should do and what measures take to keep them safe, but he knew Erwin long enough to know it meant they should stay hidden. But if Erwin didn't trust messenger with the letter, how could Levi trust him enough to leave the kids in a location known to him? But where else could he hid them? He didn't know the place at all. He forced himself to stay still. Pacing would only freak out the kids even more and they looked panicked enough.

 _Fuck, Erwin, what do you expect me to do?_ He cursed internally. The mere thought of anything bad happening to Eren made him shiver. _Fuck, fuck, fuck_ he repeated frantically in his mind in vain attempt to calm himself down.

Historia made all of them tea and he accepted his mug of steaming chamomile, lightly grazed with raspberry. Apparently Eren wasn't the only picky person about his drinks, and he cursed himself instantly for remembering that kid didn't like tilia. He must have liked the mix Historia served, since he was drinking it hotter than he usually preferred his tea, or maybe it was just his nerves, but he was holding mug in his right, uninjured hand and taking small sips. It looked like all of them needed something to keep themselves busy with.

At that moment all Levi could have thought about was sending Eren and Historia with Mikasa and Jean to hide incognito until they would know something more, but he did not want to leave them alone, even with two best soldiers on his team. How could Erwin left him to make a choice like that? He was never good with _planning_ and the bastard knew that perfectly well. It made him wonder what was going on back at the capital and how royally screwed they were.

Hours passed in silence, sometimes broken by brief exchange of whispered words but mostly they were just sitting there, staring at each other or at him, awaiting silently what the night will bring. Somewhere around three in the morning Levi decided to give up his hopes accepting how pathetic they were.

'Get ready to leave at the dawn. Just pack the essentials. Mikasa, Jean, come with me for a moment.' He led them out, making sure they were out of the hearing reach of the messenger, just to be sure. They couldn't afford to take any risk, not with Eren and Historia. 'If nothing happens until the morning, you take Eren and Historia and fucking become invisible. Nobody can see you. Get it, kids?' They nodded their heads in silent agreement and he continued 'Just stay somewhere at Trost, and we will find you.' _I fucking hope_ he added only in his thoughts.

They both looked as they understood perfectly well how important their mission were, especially with Mikasa always being extremely careful when Eren came into play. Levi just hoped they would do equally good job with Historia. As they left to prepare for departure Levi also headed inside the house, stopping only as he heard a carriage approaching.

Unsure what to do he stilled, his instincts screaming at him to run for his blades, while reason telling him to wait. He done nothing as carriage stopped and Hange stepped out of it, looking utterly defeated and tired.

'I have bad news. Gather everyone' she announced and Levi felt like they were to hear about human provenance of titans all over again.

Pastor Nick was dead. Levi wanted to curse, throw stuff around and beat someone up, but all he did was sit patiently and hate himself for being right. They would have to fight humanity, fellow soldiers, and possibly the government. Oh, how much he wished he was wrong.

His squad looked less shocked, but very afraid of the future and Levi shared their feelings, careful though not to let it be seen.

'The best we can do is stay here and see what we can achieve with Eren.' Hanji announced in tired voice, clearly blaming herself for death of the pastor. Woman tried to push through it, putting on brave face, and she would succeed sooner or later, as concentrated on the goal as she was. He was more concerned about something else.

'What about Leonhart?'

'As it's not hard to guess, since military police are clearly working against us... 'She let her voice trail off, full of anger, as she readjusted her glasses. 'We were denied any access to her at the time being. All we know she is being questioned right now. Thanks Sina they at least had enough wits to listen to me about being careful not to inflict any pain. Or at least I hope they did.'

'So, what is the proposition for now?' Levi inquired, sitting with his shoulders slightly slumped, clearly more at ease having someone else to come up with a plan.

'Since tomorrow we check what is Eren capability to repair Wall Maria. Next we will work accordingly.'

'I just can't understand why he keeps doing that' Mikasa repeated once again, still mildly annoyed. As the order to departure were withdrawn first they went to get some much needed sleep, but then the day came around and it were their dinner duty. The three of them sat around the table, peeling potatoes.

Eren rolled his eyes and sighted heavily. 'Doing what exactly?'

'Acting like you killed his whole family and then freaking out over a cut on your hand. Even I didn't react that much.' Mikasa admitting she might be a little over protective sometimes was a rare sight and Eren blamed it on her being tired after the hard night.

'Mikasa is right, you know' Armin chipped in, looking a little guilty to say something against their captain. He did not look up from the potatoes though, working as quickly as possible. They had been a little late with dinner that evening but since everyone slept in late it wasn't such a big issue.

'Can't you just tell us what is it about?' Mikasa asked, grabbing last potato from the table. 'Since you acted like you knew what you did.' She added, piercing vegetable with the knife and cutting out the black spot with circle movement.

'Please, drop it.' Eren moved to peeling the carrots, silently relieved there were no more potatoes to peel. He always hated them, even more with his left hand working less efficiently than usual. 'I asked you to give me some time, alright?'

Mikasa wrinkled her nose at his answer. Armin frowned a little.

'Eren, did you really do something to make him that angry? Are you in some real trouble with captain?' Worry was apparent in his tone.

'No.' Eren placed the half done carrot and knife in front of him and hid his face in hands. 'At least I don't think so. It is not something he could rightfully punish me for, that I am sure of.' He mumbled between his fingers.

'Eren, if you got in some sort of trouble, tell us. We would find a way.' Mikasa was starting to sound angry, and all Eren could do was shake his head. Even if he wanted to, what would he say? _I hugged the captain and now he hates me?_ Ridiculous.

'Seriously, guys, let me handle that. At least for today?' He looked up. They didn't seem very convinced, but nodded in agreement anyway, as he started peeling the carrot again.

'Oh, Eren, please tell the old uncle Jean what is up with you and captain?' Jean straddled the chair next to him, throwing an arm over his shoulders. _Brilliant_ Eren thought. He must have been standing in the doorway long enough without them noticing and now he would have to deal with interrogation from horse-faced bastard as well. Fan- _fucking_ -tastic.

'Nothing. If you don't have anything better to do, make yourself useful and start the fire.'

Jean moved to it without complaining, soon helping them with chopping up the vegetables. Having his hands busy did not stop him from talking though.

'So, I though you and captain were getting really close? One time he looks so _concerned_ about you, and next he is mad, almost like you two are having a lovers spat? What was it, are you both aboard Historia train?' The last words Jean almost whispered, clearly afraid of captain actually hearing his meaningless accusations. Eren knew it was only teasing for teasing sake, but it got him thinking, and his thoughts never left trail once taken. And even if Jean would left this thing alone, Eren would keep thinking how captain's hands really felt nice on his, and how important it was for him to see him happy.

Both Mikasa and Armin snorted in disbelief at the remark and Eren was eternally grateful that Jean really had no idea what the issue were. Even if he might not have been on point he was dangerously close with guessing that Eren was overstepping some boundaries in the superior - subordinate relationship.

As he didn't answer, Jean found it fitting to throw handful of peels into his direction, what Eren just can't let go without revenge, being glad with distraction from his own thoughts, and they were both quickly put out the door by angry Mikasa to calm down and then come and clean up. They spent some time sitting and laughing in autumn sun.

The words Jean have said just stuck and Eren couldn't get rid of them as he was eating the vegetable stew. Captain was absent from the table, but Eren's thoughts just kept swirling around him anyway. As soon as he was done he offered to go and carry a bowl of stew to the captain. Hanji informed him he should be sitting somewhere in the backyard and Eren left trailed by two sets of worried eyes.

Captain wasn't very hard to spot, sitting on the neatly lied out grey jumper, with his eyes closed and face turned toward last rays of sun, low above the horizon, but so very warm, captain looking like a happy cat, basking in fading sunshine. The small stream was running near and everything around was quiet and peaceful, without even the slightest breeze. Levi's frown was smoothed out a little, as he was enjoying the silence, bare arms very pale, shoulders slumped, hair tousled and all of this was making him look much younger than he in fact was.

All of this hit Eren with sudden realization. He did not want to disturb the captain and he walked as quietly as possible toward him, careful for bowl and a spoon in his grasp. Levi flinched visibly once he stood in front of him and opened his eyes, blinking few times before his pupils readjusted to bright sunlight. He relaxed a little again after noticing who was standing in front of him but his usual frown was back and it made Eren inappropriately angry.

'For fuck's sake, Eren, could you not sneak up on people? Are you a fucking cat or something?' Levi's angry expression made Eren want to laugh and he fought himself to keep his face straight. He had to work out this issue with captain and laughing at his angry fit wouldn't do much good, most probably.

'Sorry, sir.' He managed to keep his face straight. Fact that Levi used his first name again made him unnaturally giddy inside too. Maybe he wasn't as mad at him as he was pretending to be. 'I brought you dinner, sir.' Levi took the bowl from his hands and placed it on the grass next to him, looking up at Eren. He felt stupid, but asked anyway:

'Should I go, sir?'

Captain looked hesitant, but finally shook his head.

'You can do what you want, Jäger.' He replied, finally starting to eat. He looked pretty satisfied, but again, Eren never seen captain complain a lot, especially about food. He seemed to be able to eat just about anything without making any comment.

Eren sat on the grass, leaning back on his arms and looked into the sky. Autumn was really pretty that year, with perfect amount of storms and sunny days to make most of them feel like they were careless children again.

He heard captain clear his throat and when he looked back at him he saw that Levi moved to the side, making room for both of them to sit on the sweater.

'Don't sit on the grass, Jäger.' He said rolling his eyes, and some warmth spreads through Eren which he was not sure he wanted to explain. He moved to sit next to captain, their shoulders touching. Eren wondered how could it be that the silence they shared was comfortable, but he felt good in Levi's company, just looking on the nature surrounding them, not talking at all.

He only felt that comfortable around Mikasa and Armin until then. It was strange feeling, he noticed.

Levi finished his meal all too soon and Eren knew he should take the bowl and go back, but captain placed the bowl back on the ground instead of handing it to Eren and leant back on his arms, recreating Eren's previous position, closing his eyes. He knew captain well enough to know that if he wanted him gone, he would have said it, so he stayed there, frantically thinking how should he approach the topic, what he should say and how to explain his behaviour the previous night.

'I'm sorry, captain' he went for familiar line, and Levi opened his eyes in an instant, shoulders straight again, looking very alert.

'What for this time?' He tried to roll his eyes again, but it looked very unconvincing, with the way his left hand clenched uncontrollably.

'For the previous night, sir.' Eren looked away. He wasn't exactly sure what he was sorry about, but he should just left Levi alone. He did not believe himself he would stop himself from doing it again, but if it made captain so mad, he was sorry.

'Eren.' Captain placed a hand on his shoulder, looking as uncomfortable as Eren felt. 'You didn't do anything wrong.'

 _Then why do you keep treating me like shit_? Eren wanted to ask but he knew better than that, keeping his mouth shut.

It payed off with captain clenching his hand a little harder on his arm, looking somewhere below his eyes, and saying in a voice so low it was on verge of becoming a whisper: 'If someone should be apologizing it should be me.'

He did not say he was sorry, but he might as well had for all Eren knew him. He suddenly realized how close they were sitting, Levi touching his shoulder, looking almost shy, only centimeters between them.

His stomach did something strange, making him feel light and heavy at the same time, and he was leaning toward Levi before he could think about. He closed his eyes, so his aim is poor and his lips hit only corner of captain mouth.

Seconds passed in silence, before Levi leant back and Eren opened his eyes to the sight of very pissed captain.

'What. The. Fuck. Jäger.' He more said than asked and Eren was scrambling to his feet in an instant, too scared to even apologize. He rushed to the house as fast as possible without running, forgetting the dirty utensils.

He did not look back, therefore he didn't see Levi tentatively touching his lips and watching him with pained expression.

He was all too lucky to find only Armin and Mikasa cleaning up the kitchen as he slumped on the chair, feeling utterly stupid and hopeless.

'I might have really fucked up this time' he admitted to his friends, not sure if he should explain the situation.


End file.
